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[Apr. 9th, 2005|01:37 am] |
my love is like a redred rose that gently blooms in may...
but can i wait till then i ask and don't know what to say. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|01:13 pm] |
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I'm finding it incredibly difficult to deal with the world at the moment...I need something to get rid of this feeling that I can't breathe, that I can't escape.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2004|06:29 pm] |
4th of March 2004
04-03-04
Happy Birthday. It is the beginning of the birth of my first wisdom tooth. It's little head is popping out from the fleshy womb of gums...labour will undoubtedly be painful and long..but with a little bit of blood and some tears (no sweat i hope)...then comes the decision whether to abort or not. At what stage? It may disrupt it's whole enivornment, everything will have to accomodate it...shift up in the great rank of teeth..but what of the pain?
It is a tactless un-p.c. metaphor to make.
I'll terminate it now.
oops.
off to essaying I go, hihohiho. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2004|12:19 am] |
watched 'cut it' or something...with Meg Ryan in it..
very good. very scary...
i feel like wondering the hallways in my pyjamas now...but then i might be locked up or something. :s |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 29th, 2004|06:44 pm] |
back from glasgow...it's like stepping out of my life for a while and living the 87-year old's life for a bit...apart from the fact that I'm not living in constant pain, and I am able to walk...Perhaps that was a bit of a presumptuous thing to say.
I NEEEED to do art again. I need it badly. (I think this is triggered by seeing Georgie's site) Does that mean I'm studying the wrong thing? No, I don't think so, cause there's nothing stopping me studying art later in my life..is there?
Going to go to a string concert tonight..Anna and Chiara are eating out, so maybe I'll see them later...
hmph..back to life..
and in 10 days..back home..odd..
very odd indeed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2004|08:40 pm] |
i can see why people who are unemployed get depressed and start to feel worthless about themselves...working does more than just fulfill the need for money. For me it seems to anyway.
My noteworthy's for this last weekend:
-got a 70% on that sociology essay I started the night before-i think my tutor must have been on drugs or something odd. Egg-Dave is incredibly good at maths. Belfast is an interesting place-Ulster 'fry up' keeps the hunger at bay for hours. The only thing i regret is that I didn't go on a black taxi tour-but then again that saved me 8 pounds. We did get to see some of the divided parts of Belfast; saw some murals and spoke to a guy who really explained/told us about a lot of the history/the way it is now too.
i could just pass out right now though.
Worked a 7 hour shift at the Forrest Cafe today. It was nervewrecking, but fun. good fun; and the people seem like my kind of people.
I got back this morning and had 2 very good letters;
-I got 54% on my Maths test- one I was sure i would have failed-that means it's a C, no resits !!!!! woooooohhoooo.
-I got the job at Crossroads. good pay. flexible hours. 3 month trial period..so I'm all set.
want to sleep right now..
but I'm not sure if I'll get a phone call. I really want to get a phone call...but I guess it's too late now.
hmph. shame.
schlaf gut. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2004|01:37 pm] |
got a 60% on my Politics essay. It's going down hill :-( agh.
Grades so far: 67, 65, 67, 68, 60 ....at least there's some continuity there. Sociology will be pretty shit as it was a 12-hours-straight essay. MTE will be pretty shit-i.e. a fail me thinks..Got a lecture in 20 minutes..and am about to fall asleep over 'sociology of religion'. blurgh.
Might go to a debate on the Euro later today....thought Hans Blix was coming to give a talk too, but can't remember when. I need to do far more reading...less movies and sangria...and fun..aww.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2004|01:08 pm] |
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is it a wisdom tooth or just a sore bump? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2004|01:08 pm] |
It's doooonnennennenennen!!!
This is the first essay I've started the night before (in uni...at least). So I'll see how it turns out. 50% would be o.k. I suppose, but I'm kindof hoping for more. stupid stupid postmodernism..grrr..
At least it's over and I can now finally take a shower, put on some clothes and go hand it in. phew.
Done with postmodernism in the city..for...ever? Probably not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2004|11:07 pm] |
If i had a soundtrack to my life at this point it would be Mazzy Star's 'Among my Swan', every song at the moment gives me that feeling of, ironically maybe, dischord I get when I feel as though my brain waves and the song are on the same frequency. It literally gives me a achey feeling in my heart/stomach area. Musical heartburn.
I'm no longer stressed- my vision is not jumping around anymore like it did two hours ago. A combination of factors I presume; extreme fatigue, the cold chocolate Austrian Anna made me (it wasn't a cold chocolate Austrian that she made me, she is Austrian). And the knowledge that I will only get penalised 2% per day it's late...and the fact that I actually started writing, finally.
My belly is growing huge. Maybe I have kwashiorkor. Hmm...no i think it's a different kind of malnutrition; more a product of anti-poverty. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|10:37 am] |
i don't wannnnnaa go to school.
(16 years of education......couldn't it all be done a little more efficiently?) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|10:08 am] |
godvergodverdomme,
I don't want to do this exam...but when it's all over, then it's weekend :-D :-D :-D then all that's left is an essay in a week's time and then there's Forbes coming, going to Glasgow again, going to Belfast...then it's almost holiday already...
Is it a bad sign that I need these things to look forward to-is my daily life not good enough? maybe it's not right now...hmm, but I'm satisfied.
Days go so fast sometimes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2004|02:43 pm] |
aghhhh i can't get onto webct
so I can't get the answers for my Maths past exam papers.
This reminds me too much of a year ago....but this time I don't really care...I just need to pass Maths...and even if I don't I can redo it in the summer.
But it'd be good to get at least a little bit of studying done :-s
Got my essay extension-means I can spend the weekend having a good time instead..and registered at Old College for exams, and bought a sweater, trousers and a hard-back Statists textbook all for 8 pounds, and and and, got some job application forms.
phew.
time to go see if webct works |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|11:23 pm] |
Why are humans first and foremost selfish animals. There is nowhere where it is so apparant as it is in relationships. Iknow we're not all selfish...sure we're not, but it seems the only altruistic behaviour is that shown to one's child. Even that is not truly altruistic-as it's your blood relative-you want the best for YOUR genes.
agh. let's not be cynical. actually, yes, let's.
i think my head is going to explode with stress...it's already sunday and i have too much to do; what would happen if I burnt out? nahhhh it won't happen..
'it wears me out..and if i could be who you wanted...if i could be who you wanted..all the time....all the time...lallallalalla' |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2004|11:53 am] |
This is what I do when I'm meant to be doing thousands of other things...
"all around me are familiar faces,worn out places, worn out faces, bright and early for the daily races, going nowhere, going no where
there tears are fililng up their glassses, no expression, no expression.
hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow
and i find it kindof funny i find it kinda sad the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take, when people run in circles it's a very
mad world, mad world
children waiting for the day they feel good, happy birthday hapy birthday
and i feel the way every child should, sit and listen sit and listen
went to school and i was very nervous no one new me, no one new me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson. look right through me look right through me
and i find it kindof funny i find it kinda sad, the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take, when people run in circles it's a very
mad world, mad world"
That was the Christmas number 1.
....but it's a sad song. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2003|12:51 am] |
FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
I'm going to fucking tear down everything in a minute. Metaphorically speaking, literally speaking, fuckingly speaking.
As far as these things go I can't work in code..Raw emotions don't do well laced in metaphors and rhyme.
Maybe I'm too basic..but FUCK THIS does it for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2003|01:24 am] |
spent ?20 pounds too much on dinner today...that means 'tis the last time this week that I'm spending that amount of geld..I can't take any money out of the bank anymore either...except for money not spent on myself..
tijd voor bed |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2003|04:52 am] |
it's 04.50 a.m.
so this is the student life...right?
fuck.
It's harder than I thought. Here's me thinking I would suddenly become worldly and educated...and I feel like a bum...I'm going to try to do the work for my tutorial before 9.a.m. tomorrow
holy cow. holy beef. it's not going to work.
i just want to sleep...for a long long time..and then see if everything is better in the morning.
sigh.sigh sigh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2003|12:20 am] |
I've had a good evening; stayed in, did some work, talked to some people, listened to more mozart, took a shower, dried my hair, put cream on my face lotion on my legs, tidied my room..and now I feel better.
Why are those kinds of so much importance to how we feel? Odd that.
As soon as my essay is done I'll go out more, spend more money...etc..I have tomorrow and thursday to work on it and then it's got to be done. Then Ernst comes, we go to visit granny, I'll take him to the castle, to Portobello, to Princes street, to have a deep fried marsbar, to have some real ale in a pub..ah it shall be nice (as long as I finish my essay..grr...)
Tis time for bed; I will try and write an important email and then I'll go into my newly-freshly-sheeted bed in my cleared up little room. Aah, i think I'll miss it over Christmas.
schlaf gut |
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